Domestic Violence Awareness

What is domestic Violence?

Domestic abuse is a pattern of violent or coercive behaviour that an abuser uses to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse can be physical, emotional, economic, or sexual. Abuse comes in many forms and can affect anyone regardless of race, age, gender, income or education status, religion, sexual orientation, or gender identity.

Physical Abuse: Physical abuse is any intentional and unwanted contact with you or something close to your body. Physical abuse includes slapping, punching, biting, kicking, or using a foreign object to inflict pain to one’s body. Physical abuse can also include the threat of contact caused to inflict pain.

Emotional Abuse: Emotional abuse is the most common form of control and can often exist in relationships where there is not physical violence. This includes put-downs, insults to the survivor´s intelligence and abilities, name-calling, etc. In so doing, the abuser systematically breaks the victim’s spirit and self-esteem. The victim may begin to feel as if the abuse is their fault or that they must deserve it.

Economic Abuse: By controlling and limiting a person´s access to financial means, a batterer can assure that their victim will have limited resources if they have thoughts of leaving. Economic abuse includes limiting or restricting one’s access to employment or education, withholding basic needs, not allowing a partner access to the family’s money, or only allowing an allowance of minimal funds.

Sexual Abuse: Sexual abuse is unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force or coercion and taking advantage of victims not able to give consent. Perpetrators and victims do not have to be strangers in order for the sexual activity to be considered abuse. In fact, most victims of sexual abuse previously knew their abuser.

 

Warning Signs

Does your partner?: 

1. Put you down or call you names? 
2. Control where you go or who you spend time with? 
3. Hurt you by hitting, kicking, or strangling you? 
4. Blame you for their violent or abusive behaviors?
5. Threaten to take your children away? 
6. Treat you like a servant or make all the decisions in the relationship? 
7. Prevent you from getting or keeping a job? 
8. Make or carry out threats? 
9. Make you afraid using looks or gestures? 
10. Pressure or force you into unwanted sex?

 

Offering Support

It can be difficult to be a family member, friend, or coworker of someone who is experiencing domestic violence. Here are some tips on how to help yourself as well as the survivor in your life. 
You Can: 

• Express your concerns 
• Listen to them and validate their experiences 
• Be accepting 
• Work on a safety plan together 
• Educate yourself on the complexities of domestic violence. 
• Empower them with information about services, such as Steps to End Domestic Violence 
• Support their decisions

Do not expect a quick and easy remedy. Domestic violence is a complex issue. 

Remember: The one who perpetrates abuse is the one with the problem. It is not the victim’s responsibility to stop the violence. 

You Can Say: 

• I am very sorry that this is happening to you 
• I believe you 
• No one deserves to be abused 
• It is not your fault 
• I am concerned about your safety.

 

Self care 

Self-care refers to those activities you do to take care of yourself physically, mentally, or emotionally. Practicing good self-care can be hard for a lot of people. It can be especially challenging for those who have experienced domestic violence, but can also be a critical part of the healing process. 

Check out these tips on practicing self-care.

1. Be sure to get sufficient rest at night. If you have trouble sleeping, get up and do something relaxing or enjoyable.
2. Be on the lookout for any changes in your habits, attitudes and moods. 
3. Be self-nurturing and don’t forget to laugh. 
4. Practice acceptance. Many people get distressed over things they won't let themselves accept. Often, these are things that can't be changed, such as someone else's feelings or beliefs. 
5. Develop a realistic schedule of daily activities that includes time for work, sleep, relationships, and recreation. 
6. Improve your physical surroundings by cleaning your house or straightening up your office. 
7. Physical activity is a great stress reliever and can be as simple as taking a walk. Or try aerobics, yoga, jogging, dancing, or swimming. 
8. Balance your family, social, and work demands with special private time. Hobbies are a good antidote for daily pressures. Unwind by taking a quiet stroll, soaking in a hot bath, watching a sunset, or listening to calming music. 
9. Friends can be good medicine. Daily doses of conversation, regular social engagements, and occasional sharing of deep feelings and thoughts can help reduce stress.

 

Safety Planning

Though it is not your responsibility to stop the abuser’s behaviour, you can work on ways to increase your safety. You have a right to be safe.

 

Safety during physical violence

1. Practice how to get out of your home safely. Identify which doors, windows, or stairwells would be best. 
2. Have a packed bag ready & keep it at a relative or friend's home. 
3. Identify neighbours you can tell about the violence. Ask them to call the police if they hear a disturbance at your home. 
4. Choose a code word to use with your children, family, friends & neighbors when you need the police. 
5. Decide & plan for where you will go if you have to leave - even if you don't think right now that you'll need to. 
6. Use your own instincts and judgment. 

 

Safety in your own home

1. Change the locks on your doors as soon as possible. Buy additional locks & safety devices to secure your windows. 
2. Discuss a safety plan with your children for when you are not with them. 
3. Tell your children's school, day-care, etc., who is allowed to pick up the children. 
4. Tell neighbours & landlord that your partner no longer lives with you & that they should call the police if they see them near your home. 

 

Safety at work & in public

1. Choose whom at work you will tell about the violence. Include office/building security. Provide a picture of your abuser. 
2. Arrange to have an answering machine, caller ID or trusted friend or relative screen your calls if possible. 
3. Have someone escort you to transportation & wait with you until you leave. If possible, use a variety of routes to go home. 

 

Your safety & emotional health

1. If you have to communicate with your abuser, choose the safest way to do so. 
2. Have positive thoughts about yourself & be clear with others about your needs. Practice self-care. 
3. Decide whom you can talk to freely & openly to give you the support you need. 
4. Attend a support group. 

 

Checklist: leaving your situation

• Identification 
• Driver's license 
• Children's birth certificates 
• Your birth certificate 
• Medicare card
• Centrelink Information
• Money and/or credit cards 
• Divorce papers 
• Custody papers
• Lease, rental agreement, house deed 
• Car registration & insurance 
• Health & life insurance papers 
• Medical records for you & children 
• Work permits/VISA 
• Passports
• House & car keys 
• Medications 
• Address book 
• Pictures of you, children & the abuser 
• Children's small toys 
• Toiletries/diapers 
• Change of clothes for you & children
• Small, sellable items